Thursday, August 18, 2011

How to Talk to a Woman You Love

photo by Frits Ahlefeldt

Communication is essential to any relationship, and many books have been written on the subject, but men who struggle to find things to talk about with a woman may be relieved to learn that oftentimes they don't have to say much of anything. Here's how to build bridges and achieve a great relationship with a wife or girlfriend.

Listen Reflectively When Talking to Women

Woman generally want to be heard and have their feelings respected. Therefore, when a woman speaks, carefully listen to her thoughts and then verbalize them back to her. When she hears her thoughts rephrased, she will know she has effectively communicated and will result in her feeling understood. Especially listen for clues to her feelings and identify what they are to her.

Get more specific than a broad "You're mad." Hone in closer to her core feelings with words like frustrated, confused, betrayed, excited, stimulated, empty, depressed, shocked, relieved, trapped, defensive, awkward, joyful, proud, envious, afraid or insecure. This is just a brief list.

Say, "It sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed, burdened, relieved, etc." or "What I am hearing you say is that you feel unappreciated." When a woman's husband or boyfriend nails down her feelings, she will feel understood and more apt to relax. She will open up more to him, even if her feelings are negative.

Communication in Marriage Using the Mirroring Technique

Pay attention to how she positions her body and mirror the pose. Also mirror her tone of voice. This may feel awkward and contrived at first, but with practice should become second nature. Mirroring her body language will subtly make her feel in sync with her man and again, understood.

Gender Communication Using the Five Love Languages

People usually feel loved best through one of the following five methods:
  • being hugged and touched
  • receiving sincere praise and recognition
  • having chores and errands done for them
  • receiving presents
  • spending time with their significant other
If a man is unsure about which way pleases his girlfriend or wife best, he can simply ask. Give her the five choices, see how she responds, and then consciously, regularly do those things that make her feel loved.

Talk to Women by Asking Questions

Questions that can be answered with "yes" or "no" are conversation enders. Instead, ask questions using "what" and "how" to get her to expand on the subject. Ask "What makes you want or feel such and such?" Inquiries like these are conversation openers, and provide great opportunities for listening. Asking, "And how did you feel about that?" is almost always appropriate.

If a man follows these simple guidelines – listen to her reflectively, learn her love language and mirror her body language and tone of voice – when communicating with the woman he loves, he will find her more responsive and receptive to him, and trust will be developed. His relationship with her will be enriched, and he will be more free to talk about the things he wants to discuss.

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